Athletes Say the Darndest Things

(I apologize in advance to all the athletes this does not apply to).

How is it possible that athletes are so graceful and skilled on the field (or court or rink..you get the idea) and the second they step off they sound like  (and sometimes look like) bumbling idiots. 

After watching the Aflec commercial featuring Yogi Berra and his trademark sayings (Yogiisms) about 700 times, I started to think about all the things athletes say that make you shake your head and almost feel sorry for them. 

 

 

Greg Maddux is a guy who I think of as a poised, wise, and humble pitcher.  But after being asked for his reaction to hitting a Grandslam, he responded: “As I remember it, the bases were loaded.”                   C’mon Greg..really? 

 

But that’s nothing compared to what Pedro Martinez, then Boston’s ace said in a press conference after a Red Sox loss to the Yankees late in the 2004 season, “They beat me. They’re that good right now. They’re that hot. I just tip my hat and call the Yankees my daddy.”    And from that day forward, Sox fans constantly heard chants of “Whose your daddy?” everytime Pedro pitched.

My mom always told me “Better to stay silent and be thought a fool, then to open your mouth and remove all doubt.”  It’s too bad no one ever said that to these guys:

Ex-New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming season:
“I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first.”

A Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh: “I’m going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes.”

Torrin Polk, University of Houston receiver, on his coach, John Jenkins:  ”He treats us like men. He lets us wear earrings.”

Former MLB player Pedro Guerrero, on sportswriters: “Sometimes they write what I say and not what I mean.”

This could go on forever, you can check out some on this site.

Oh and just so I don’t seem sexist: Pro tennis player Liliah Osterloh who was ranked #111 in 1998 had this to say: “My potential speaks for itself.”

 

Rivalry Out of Control

The Red Sox-Yankee’s rivalry is one of the most bitter rivalries in professional sports.  In fact, USA Today once called it “the fiercest rivalry in sports.” 

I love going to Sox-Yanks games.  I’ve been to them in Boston and New York and it’s always a good game.  I wear my Boston gear to New York, andYankees fans like to remind me how much my team sucks, how many championships they’ve won, etc.  But I never feared for my safety a game. 

I enjoy a good baseball fight.  A good bench-clearing brawl doesnt happen all that often (kinda like a good goalie fight in hockey.)  But with the Red Sox andYankees, a good brawl is always lurking around the corner.

This isnt something new.  To name a few:

We can go back to 1938 when Joe Cronin of the Sox and the Yanks Jake Powell fight on the field and beneath the stands at Yankee Stadium. (Both are fined and suspended for 10 days.)   

1952:Jimmy Piersall and New York’s Billy Martin exchange blows in the tunnel beneath the stands at Fenway Park.

1973:Munson and Fisk duke it out after a collision at the plate.

1976: Lou Piniella barrels into Carlton Fisk at the plate in Yankee Stadium, and Sox pitcher Bill Lee cracks his collarbone in the subsequent fight.

 

 

 

2003:Yankees bench coach Don Zimmerlunges at Pedro Martinez, who throws the 73-year-old to the ground during a brawl in a playoff game. Later in the game, Yankee reliever Jeff Nelson and right fielder Karim Garcia get into a fight with a Fenway Park groundskeeper after he cheered for Boston in the Yankees’ bullpen.

2004:Red Sox catcher Jason Varitek and Alex Rodriguez exchange heated words after A-Rod is hit by a pitch. Varitek shoves Rodriguez in the face, and a brawl breaks out. 

May 4, 2008:  The rivalry is offcially out of control.

Ivonne Hernandez of New Hampshire was arrested and charged with second degree murder for running her car into a crowd of people outside a Nashua bar, killing 29 year-old Matthew Beaudoin. 

The incident was allegedly caused by the crowd’s chanting ‘Yankees Suck’. Hernandez, a Yankee fan, claims she wanted to scare the group when she aimed her car at them, assuming they would jump out of the way.  Hernandez is now being charged with 2nd degree murder and being held without bail. 

A young man is dead because of his love for an American pastime. A game. 

I’m not saying that I’ve never heard or seen people getting into fights over the Red Sox-Yankees before.  I have even been known to exchange a few choice words.  But Matthew’s family now has to deal with the fact that he died at such a young age for no good reason. 

It’s times like this that I step back and realize, it is just a game. 

Don’t Poke Me

Poker is not a sport.

 

Sports require physical activity.  End of story. Case closed.

 

If only it were that simple.  The debate continues about whether poker should be regarded as a sport. 

 

Let’s compare some real sports to poker.

 

Baseball: Sport.  No matter how hard I train and practice I will never be able to hit a home run outta Fenway Park.  It just won’t happen.  Too much skill, strength and coordination are involved. 

Poker: Game.  My toughest challenge would be learning how to shuffle the cards.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ice Hockey: Sport. First you gotta learn to skate.  Then you have to learn how to stop.  Handling the puck involves a lot of skill and I’m fairly sure a slapshot requires precision and strength.

Poker: Game.  I bet it is tough to sit for hours at a time, but I have a feeling I could do it. 

 

 

 

Basketball: Sport.  I suck at basketball.  I played for years and I still suck.  I can dribble but not between my legs and mostly with my right hand.  My jump-shot is sad, Airball should be my middle name.  I’ve been playing since I was little, competitively and for fun, everyone from family and friends to coaches have tried to help and it’s just no use, it’s like there is a force field around the hoop.

Poker: Game.  I can learn what a royal flush, a full house and a straight are and which one is better to have.  I bet a lot of the people that read this could teach me that, no coach required. 

I think you get the point. 

 

The bottom line: If you can gain weight while playing it, it’s not a sport.

 

 

Schoolyard Games

The phrase “fight like a man” comes to mind after watching Kalib Starnes “fight” Nate Quarry in the Ultimate Fighting Championship middleweight battle.  This fight resembled something more like a Tom and Jerry cartoon that a mixed martial arts battle.  Starnes spent most of the evening running from Quarry and lost unanimously.  Starnes was booed by a sell-out crowd of over 21,000 at the Bell Centre in Montreal, Canada. As if the shame wasnt bad enough, Starnes found out after the “fight” that he had been cut from his contract by UFC president Dana White. 

 

New York Rangers left wing Sean Avery didn’t run away from the competition but decided the best way to give his team the advantage in the playoffs would be to piss off Martin Brodeur, the New Jersey Devils goalie.  Avery stood in front of Brodeur blocking his view and waving his stick in his face.  Now I don’t know that much about hockey, but I know this was probably not an acceptable tactic.  Personally, I found it childish but hilarious.  Brodeur didn’t find it funny though:

“I’ve played for 15 years in this league. I’ve been watching games for 33 years. I had never seen that in my life,” Brodeur said. “I don’t think that kind of behavior should be done in front of the net, but there is no rule for it.”

Well Martin, now there is.  In what will no doubt be known as the Avery Rule, the league announced that a penalty will now be called when:

“An offensive player positions himself facing the opposition goaltender and engages in actions such as waving his arms or stick in front of the goaltender’s face, for the purpose of improperly interfering with and/or distracting the goaltender as opposed to positioning himself to try to make a play.” 

Check out the video, around 1:21 there is a nice close-up replay.

Do these pants make my butt look big?

 

Athletes are becoming a little to feminine for my liking…and I’m a girl.

 

 I couldnt believe my eyes when I saw catcher Jorge Posada having his nails painted by a trainer in the dugout.  Yes, I know he was doing it so the pitcher could see the signs.  But be a man. Put a piece of tape around each finger like Jason Varitek.  And if you don’t want to get your fingers sticky, then fine, stay with the nail polish, but for goodness sake, paint them yourself. 

 I played softball for a million years and never once would I have even dared to wear a necklace out on the field. But now you see these MLB players, especially pitchers wearing all kinds of jewlery out there on the mound.  I dont know when this started, but it needs to stop. The MLB has quite a few rules about what a player’s uniform must look like.  Player can’t have frayed sleeves, but they can have titanium necklaces.  That doesnt make sense. 

Athletes also seem to put a lot of thought into what their hair is going to look like.  Bronson Arroyo did the cornrows thing.  Johnny Damon looked like Jesus (or a GEICO caveman).  Manny Rameriez occasionally adds some red or blond to his dreads.  And a few years ago, then Mets catcher Mike Piazza decided to bleach his dark brown hair…perhaps to find out if blonds really do have more fun.

 

 

I’m waiting for someone to come out of the dugout with their hat bedazzled.

The Lighter Side of Baseball

This isn’t so much a blog entry…it’s a video I felt I must share with the world (or at least the 3 people who read this). Enjoy.

I love watching baseball games.  Intense pitcher’s duels.  Towering home runs.  Stolen bases. 

But what I love the most is when baseball players prove that they are human.  They stumble, trip, fall, misjudge a ball or simply get confused.

Truly good bloopers don’t happen all that often.  But when they do, it makes my day.

Recently, Red Sox first baseman Sean Casey did something that will bring a smile to my face for the next few months I’m sure.  Sean ended up crawling back to second base…something his teammates won’t let him forget anytime soon.  Watch for yourself and if it doesn’t brighten your day then you just don’t have a sense of humor.

 

 

The Name Game: Part 2

 

Ok, so we know that athletes seem to give their kids interesting (also known as unusual) names.  But what about the athletes themselves?  Have you ever stopped and considered all the silly names that athletes have?

Would you rather be named after a cereal or a board game? 

Being a Red Sox fan, the obvious choice would be center fielder Coco Crisp.  If you don’t understand why that is funny then you skipped childhood or you skipped breakfast every morning.  Of course his name isn’t actually Coco, just a nickname given to him by his grams (real name: Covelli). 

Milton Bradley is no longer some guy who invented some really cool board games.  He is a mediocre baseball player with a bad temper….maybe because he’s been playing the same game of Monopoly for the last decade. 

What do you get when you ask a 2 year-old to pick out her own name?  Olympic skier Picabo Street (pronounced: Peek-a-boo).  After being called “Little Girl” for the first two years of her life, her parents left it up to her to pick a name…and unless your kid is Doogie Howser, they’re gonna end up with a silly name.  Her parents now claim that she was named after some small town in Idaho…personally I’d rather be named after the children’s game. 

 

Ok, and last but not least we have relief pitcher Mike Myers.  I’m sure he’s not a bad guy and for 9 years no one thought much of his name.  Then in 1978 the movie Halloween came out, and the mass murder in the film was named, none other than Michael Myers.  Myers (the baseball player) has embraced this and now has the creepy Halloween music associated with our murderous friend as his theme song when coming out of the bullpen.  Although the comparison is unfortunate, I bet no one messed with him in high school. 

 

The Name Game: Part 1

 

A classmate mentioned how Chipper Jones named his kid Shea, because Shea Stadium in New York is where Jones has had the most success in his lengthy baseball career.  This made me think of all the unusual names that athletes give to their offspring.

 

Roger Clemens has four sons: Koby, Kory, Kacy, and Kody  - all given “K” names to honor Clemens’ strikeouts (”K’s”).  What was Debbie thinking when Rog asked her to do this? Maybe it was after she had been injected with HGH?

 

David Beckham’s first son was named “Brooklyn” because David and his wife (Posh Spice) were in Brooklyn when they found out she was pregnant.  Thank goodness they weren’t in Hell when they found out…Hell, Michigan that is. 

 

But none of that compares to what Grill Master George Foreman has done to his kids.  George has eleven children and each of his six sons are named George: George Jr., George III, George IV, George V, George VI, and George Travis Walls). I wonder why he didn’t do George VII?

 

Wear a damn bicycle helmet! (please)

When I was 10 years old I had a bad bicycle accident.  I had a mouth full of blood and broken teeth and road-burn covering 70% of my body.  But thank the Lord, I was wearing a helmet, or I wouldn’t be writing this right now. 

So why isn’t there a federal law in the United States requiring bicycle helmets? 

Around 88% of head injuries or deaths could be avoided by wearing a helmet.  Thirty-seven states have helmet laws, but most only apply to kids under 16 (sorry 17 year-olds, you don’t matter as much). 

Step One towards passing a federal mandatory helmet law (MHLs) would be to actually enforce the already existing state laws.  I don’t wanna hear the lame excuses that it doesn’t look cool and messes up your hair.  You know what else messes up your hair?  Blood, stitches and a hole in your head.

People opposed to MHL’s say that cyclists would quit riding or ride less which will lead to an increase in overweight people and heart disease patients.  I want to meet these people who would rather be brain-dead than overweight. 

Although my helmet couldn’t save my teeth, it saved my life, which is worth more than my $6,000 dollar smile.

For the love of the Red Sox

I should never have put a Red Sox player on my fantasy team. 

As if it’s not bad enough that I get frustrated when they are doing poorly for the Red Sox, now I am twice as angry because I am offcially in last place in my damn league. 

Thank you David Ortiz for being 1 for your last 19 at bats.  I guess it’s all the time he’s spending working on his defense…o wait….that can’t be it.

For goodness sake, Julio Lugo has three times the amount of hits Ortiz has on the season.  That makes me sad.

And now, Mikey Lowell is on the DL because of a bum thumb…great.

Oh and should-have-won-the-Cy-Young-award-last-year,  Josh Beckett has already made a trip to the DL and got his first loss this season. 

The worst part is, I probably havent learned my lesson.  I will have Sox players on my team next year too.  I just can’t help myself, I love them too much.